Falling Short

You are successful the moment you start moving toward a worthwhile goal. - Chuck Carlson

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So, it's been a couple weeks since I wrote, and I'm trying not to beat myself for flaking out. I'm trying really hard right now to figure out the juggling act that is parenting 2 kids and running my house and doing stuff I like to do. I'd gotten into a good groove just before Baby Bear was born, and now I feel overwhelmed and struggling again.

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Physically I feel great (except for lack of sleep), but the day to day stuff is driving me nuts. You've seen one of my "to-do" lists, and I know that I can be a little...ambitious when it comes to deciding what needs to happen in my life. At this point, I'm attempting to look at what is really important to me - what HAS to happen each day - and, well, shorten the list.

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To me, shortening the list feels like falling down on the job. It feels like watching a ball you only took your eye off for a millisecond drift out to sea, knowing you'll probably never hold it again. If I take it off the list, will I ever be able to justify the luxury of putting it back on?

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I wish I could do more. I wish there were more hours in the day. Last night, Princess & I were cuddling on the couch for a bit after Baby Bear fell asleep and she said to me in this adorable, drowsy, 4-year-old voice: "I wish I never had to take time to sleep". I know the feeling.

More party plans

The box from Oriental Trading came today and we are so excited! I also recieved the Luau CD in the mail, and it sounds great! I checked out the Balloon Time 30 count at two stores yestersay while I ws out, and with the coupon I won on eBay, I will be able to get it for about $10! My original plan was to spend $20 at the grocery store for 22 balloons, but I realized we couldn't fit them in the car to transport them... this way we'll get more bang for our buck AND be able to blow them up on site! Afterwards we can gift them to other kids at the park :)

I ordered parrot stickers off eBay today as well for our "Pin the Parrot in the Nest" game. I will laminate them on card stock for the kids to use and have my husband (who is an artist), paint a tree with a nest in it on blank newsprint. We're going to limbo and do an octopus ring toss in a kiddie pool.

The chips and bottled water have been purchased - I tried to buy juice boxes too, but Costco was out! Totally and completely out of ALL juice boxes! I'm going to have to get them elsewhere as they won't be in for another ten days or so they said. This weekend I want to fill the pinata and the goodie bags, get the games squared away, wrap Princess' gifts and get the cake ordered. I love parties :) Planning, executing and attending!

Loving my job (even though the baby didn't sleep last night)!

"To love what you do and feel that it matters--how could anything be more fun?"
Katharine Graham


We made it through all of church on Sunday for the first time in months and months! I love the feeling of sitting in church with my husband and children, singing hymns my family has sung for generations, listening to the blessings on the sacramental bread and water - the same ones that have been said for generations, relaxing into the rhythm of my spirituality. Granted this is hard to do with the kids in tow, but I love them so much, I would rather do the Sunday Struggle, then imagine my life without them.

For the first time since I joined CU as a professor and then as I continued as the Dean, I created my own degree plans last semester and started working on goals for myself. One of the areas I decided to pursue was the College of Career Enhancement. This college was created so that women in any stage of their lives could work on "enhancing" their career skills, whether they work at home with their children or outside their home.

I'm a stay at home mom. I'm a lot of other things too, but when a blank form asks for my occupation, that is the closest thing to the truth! The first 2 goals I chose to work on were:

- Go to work with a positive attitude all month.

- Express enthusiasm for your job to your boss or co-worker.

These were huge things for me. The opportunity to be reminded daily of how much I love what I do and who I do it for has really changed me for the better. I've taken to telling my husband and my children that they are my favorite job and how much I love to be with them and take care of them... and every time I say it out loud, it reminds me why I chose this "career" instead of becoming a professional ballerina. I love what I do and I know it matters - nothing could be more fun (or more beautifully challenging).

Saturday!

I grew up with this little song:

Saturday is a special day.
It’s the day we get ready for Sunday:
We clean the house, and we shop at the store,
So we won’t have to work until Monday.
We brush our clothes, and we shine our shoes,
And we call it our get-the-work-done day.
Then we trim our nails, and we shampoo our hair,
So we can be ready for Sunday!

Usually, we only get a few of these things done, but today we have a lot of them on the list. When I am done writing this, I'll start the dishwasher, get cleaned up and take Princess shopping with me (mostly returns). Later we'll get the kids washed and trimmed, pack The Church Bag and lay out the clothes for tomorrow morning. Our congregation meets at 9 a.m., which is way too early for me, thus getting there on time takes a fair amount of planning. Each year we switch times with several other congregations that meet in our building and can I just say how thrilled I will be in January when we are meeting at 11 a.m.? Thrilled.

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My "to do" list is always too long... this is what I dream of getting done today:

- blog
- water indoor plants & the yard
- take Princess outside to play
- dishes done
- read with my husband
- scripture study
- write in my journal
- mail baby presents to my cousin Kate & friend Danica
- get baby present for my friend Patty ready to take to church tomorrow
- tidy house
- read to Princess & Baby Bear
- write a love note to my husband
- delete 100 emails from my inbox
- bake cookies with Princess
- spend some time on my church work
- write some prose (fanfiction most likely)
- write thank you notes for Baby Bear's gifts & Princess' birthday gifts
- art or craft with Princess
- dinner on the table
- write some poetry
- give my husband a foot rub
- work on my family history
- create Fall Semester calendar for CU
- scripture games with Princess
- scripture study with my husband
- list stuff on eBay
- call my grandma & my friend Sabrina
- help Princess decide on something nice to do for someone else
- play World of Warcraft with my husband