Growth

As of Sunday I have a 6 Tooth Boy! Three on top, three on the bottom, and the left side is definitely winning. And today, my baby took two steps by himself! Oh my goodness! I can't believe it. Princess was not a really early walker, but this kid is cruising. Yes, for those of you trying to add it up, he won't be ten months old for another ten days. Watch out world, Bear is on the loose. Well, technically we have baby gates up, but he's more able to be on the loose, quicker anyway, then he was last week. Crazy.

Three beds in the back planted now and they're growing! Corn, pumpkins, potatoes, celery (which I hate but Princess loves), tomatoes, peppers and cantaloupe (yeah right, one can dream I suppose). Tomorrow I'll work on the onions, yellow crook neck squash, acorn squash, zucchini, Brussels sprouts & cabbage. I am hoping to get the herbs in this week too--I have purple sage, lemon thyme, tarragon, chives, oregano & parsley to plant. The garden is a great place to work things out lately. Makes the achy shoulder ache, but certainly does the rest of me some good. I recently found this quote and it made me smile--I sneak glances out the kitchen window much more frequently when I've just planted things!

I used to visit and revisit it a dozen times a day, and stand in deep contemplation over my vegetable progeny with a love that nobody could share or conceive of who had never taken part in the process of creation. It was one of the most bewitching sights in the world to observe a hill of beans thrusting aside the soil, or a rose of early peas just peeping forth sufficiently to trace a line of delicate green.
--Nathaniel Hawthorne

Thanks

Thank you to those who sent me nice notes in response to the last post. This week has been one of the most difficult I have had in a long time (and it is only Thursday), coming on the tail of another challenging week. I am hoping to finish up with some lightness. I meant to respond personally, and I will as I get myself together here, but I wanted to say thanks.

Yesterday was the worst and last night I after Night Writers I fell apart at the feet of two very wise women and I am so grateful for their willingness to sacrifice their sleep and comfort to let me talk myself through some of the things I have been struggling with and share with me some of their own life lessons. Today of course, I am trying not to regret it.

I have a hard time trusting people with my weak moments. I talked to a friend about this once, and I think it comes down to me believing I am a pretty strong, happy, person and worrying that if people see me in a moment of weakness or frustration that they'll forever after that see me as this needy person. Gratefully, my moments of complete and utter overwhelmance (new word?) are few and so I generally find it safer to just get through them by closing my eyes and hanging on until it's over instead of asking for support. I am afraid that if others see me as incapable of dealing with my life, even for short periods of time, I might be judged (by myself and them) by that moment instead of who I feel like I truly am--the person I am the rest of the time. The majority of the time. While I believe I am shaped by my struggles to a certain extent, I don't believe that I am my struggles and I hate the idea of giving people that impression.

I have truly worked on overcoming this phobia and opening up in the past few years, but apparently it's time for me to kick this dish up a notch (bam-bam-bam). I am a believer in the idea that if a challenge comes to you, it's time to deal with it and you are ready to do it and have the tools even if you don't realize it. I suppose that is sort of encouraging when I think about it. I can do this. I can get through this. I am meant to get through it.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

- Anais Nin