Falling Short

You are successful the moment you start moving toward a worthwhile goal. - Chuck Carlson

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So, it's been a couple weeks since I wrote, and I'm trying not to beat myself for flaking out. I'm trying really hard right now to figure out the juggling act that is parenting 2 kids and running my house and doing stuff I like to do. I'd gotten into a good groove just before Baby Bear was born, and now I feel overwhelmed and struggling again.

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Physically I feel great (except for lack of sleep), but the day to day stuff is driving me nuts. You've seen one of my "to-do" lists, and I know that I can be a little...ambitious when it comes to deciding what needs to happen in my life. At this point, I'm attempting to look at what is really important to me - what HAS to happen each day - and, well, shorten the list.

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To me, shortening the list feels like falling down on the job. It feels like watching a ball you only took your eye off for a millisecond drift out to sea, knowing you'll probably never hold it again. If I take it off the list, will I ever be able to justify the luxury of putting it back on?

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I wish I could do more. I wish there were more hours in the day. Last night, Princess & I were cuddling on the couch for a bit after Baby Bear fell asleep and she said to me in this adorable, drowsy, 4-year-old voice: "I wish I never had to take time to sleep". I know the feeling.

Loving my job (even though the baby didn't sleep last night)!

"To love what you do and feel that it matters--how could anything be more fun?"
Katharine Graham


We made it through all of church on Sunday for the first time in months and months! I love the feeling of sitting in church with my husband and children, singing hymns my family has sung for generations, listening to the blessings on the sacramental bread and water - the same ones that have been said for generations, relaxing into the rhythm of my spirituality. Granted this is hard to do with the kids in tow, but I love them so much, I would rather do the Sunday Struggle, then imagine my life without them.

For the first time since I joined CU as a professor and then as I continued as the Dean, I created my own degree plans last semester and started working on goals for myself. One of the areas I decided to pursue was the College of Career Enhancement. This college was created so that women in any stage of their lives could work on "enhancing" their career skills, whether they work at home with their children or outside their home.

I'm a stay at home mom. I'm a lot of other things too, but when a blank form asks for my occupation, that is the closest thing to the truth! The first 2 goals I chose to work on were:

- Go to work with a positive attitude all month.

- Express enthusiasm for your job to your boss or co-worker.

These were huge things for me. The opportunity to be reminded daily of how much I love what I do and who I do it for has really changed me for the better. I've taken to telling my husband and my children that they are my favorite job and how much I love to be with them and take care of them... and every time I say it out loud, it reminds me why I chose this "career" instead of becoming a professional ballerina. I love what I do and I know it matters - nothing could be more fun (or more beautifully challenging).