Monday, April 21, 2008

"Today's problems cannot be solved if we still think the way we thought when we created them."
~Albert Einstein

Monday again and I find myself trying to swim to the surface yet again. Lately, I've been overwhelmed. Not by any one thing, just in general. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and so is caring for my home and family physically. With my shoulder injuries I'm in some level of pain pretty much all the time. I may have said this before, but my obituary will not be one of those that talks about how the deceased suffered chronic pain honorably without a murmur of complaint. Oh, I try not to bore people repeatedly with the details, but the reality is that it hurts and sometimes it really gets me down. I hate it when my house gets out of control and I fall behind in things that I want to get done because I just can't do as much as I'd like.

Yesterday was difficult. When we went to pick up the pizza the other night, I didn't notice Princess playing with the dome light in the car. My husband had early meetings at the church and got a ride when he realized the car was dead, but didn't call me until 30 minutes before we were supposed to be there to tell me. I was already frustrated and late (I am considering not sleeping Saturday nights in order to attempt to actually arrive on time with the kids) and so he tried to call around and find someone to come jump the car, but all of the good, on time people had already left and he's shy about asking for help anyway.

I got upset. I told him that if he wanted to be there on time, he should go sit down and not worry about us (I was very huffy about it, too). I seriously considered that maybe it was a sign from God and I should be allowed to stay home. The problem is that we live six blocks with nice sidewalks from the church. I take longer walks on a regular basis. Plus, Princess was supposed to do a thing in her class and I had the interest sheets for the HFPE groups I am trying to get off the I got us fed and dressed and loaded up the stroller with the 25 pound kid and the diaper bag and my church bag and put me and Princess' nice shoes in a bag and we got our walking shoes on us, and we hoofed it. Missed the first meeting, but we were late anyway, it really only took about 12 minutes to get there, walking slow. I'm considering doing it more often when the weather gets warmer.

I can't even go into the after-church drama, but we had a birthday party to go to and the Home Teachers coming over and a car that wouldn't start and a house so messy you couldn't get from the door to the couch. My husband is the most patient man in the world, and I am truly grateful for his kindness when I have a total freak-out. We were close yesterday.

All of this rambling does have something to do with the quote at the top. In moments of clarity, I remember that the busy-ness of my life is a choice. I love my life. From being with my kids all day, to church stuff, to CU and Night Writers and eBay and television. My life is full, and it's full of really good things. Clarity reminds me that everything will be okay, that I will be okay and that I need to smile and remember how grateful I am. When I get overwhelmed, like I have been the past week, I wonder why I do what I do--pretty much in every aspect of my life--and when I settle down I realize that it's my thinking that gets me to that place. When things pile up, I can choose to look at it as an abundance of blessings or as evidence I am inadequate at keeping my life together. When I feel my problems can not be solved, it is because I am thinking along the second set of lines instead of the first.

Today, I am going to remember who I am and see myself and my abundance as blessings.

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